Apologizing

Isn't it such an agonizing thing to do? To say you made a mistake, you were wrong, you did it? Yes. Terribly so.

I used to have a difficult time apologizing. It was as though my insides were in a compactor being crushed to particles. I lost my breath, I literally would have to keep my face from contorting in pain from my nerves being twisted in a bunch. It was an ordeal, to say the least.

Now, I see that apologizing is a part of growing up, being an adult. I easily admit when I'm wrong, absolutely see where I made the mistake and I can look someone in the eye and, with all of the compassion I can muster, say 'I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you.' Or, whatever. 'I'm sorry I was such a...yeah, you didn't deserve that.' I can say 'I was wrong' and believe it when I say it. 


Having learned how to do that helps me to live a more complete life. It's as though I went through the School of Life and passed another course. I'm slowly inching toward graduating to a more whole me. I can't wait to get that diploma (just kidding, I know I'll never graduate, I'll never be perfect, dammit).
Nikki Irish